Around one-third of kids and teens experience trauma before the age of 18. Is trauma impacting kids in your kids ministry or student ministry program? You probably know a personal story or two. Once you walk alongside a family through a crisis their story becomes a part of your story forever. It surprised me though, when I looked at the data. I had no idea how many stories of trauma are sitting in our churches that we know nothing about. The reality is that approximately three out of every nine kids and teens sitting in a small group, in your church, have been impacted. Whether you are a family ministry staff or a volunteer, if your heart is to reach the next generation, leading a trauma safe ministry for kids & teens is going to be critical.
What is Trauma?
According to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network, trauma is when a child feels intensely threatened by an event he or she is involved in or witnesses. More specifically, trauma is a frightening, dangerous or violent event that poses a threat to a child’s life or safety, or threatens the life or safety of a loved one (1).
The Health Resources and Services Administration shares data from a 2018 survey of children’s health that indicates that one in three children under the age of 18 had experienced at least one adverse childhood experience (trauma) (2).
Let’s re-play the short reel of 2020. Kids in 2020 have had to process covid, violent acts of racism, riots and property damage, hurricanes, fires, earthquakes and more.
Every single kid and teenager has experienced some sort of impact from all the 2020 has held. Fortunately, not every single traumatic occurrence will lead to traumatic stress in kids. But, when you know better, you should do better. And we know that kids in our churches are being impacted. That is why leading a trauma safe ministry for kids & teens is more important now than ever before.
Before we go any further, please read this disclaimer: I am not a licensed mental health counselor or a medical provider. My background is in education and family ministry. I have hands-on training as a parent of two teens. The information and opinions I am sharing are a combination of what I have learned in each of these arenas and hours upon hours of research.
Impact of Trauma on Kids
Traumatic events don’t effect all kids the same way. Some kids will have no immediate or permanent impact. Others, however, will experience a traumatic reaction or even traumatic stress.
There are different ways these could present. There may be ongoing emotional upset, depression, anxiety, behavioral changes, lack of emotional control or self-regulation, problems connecting with peers, attention difficulties, academic difficulties, nightmares, changes in appetite or sleeping habits or even physical symptoms like aches and pains.
As someone who works with kids or teens, you may not notice if they aren’t eating or sleeping well. You will notice if they have a dramatic change in their behavior. Sometimes this can look like crying, being easily angered, lack of focus, sadness or anxiety.
Here is what all of this means…some of what you observe when you serve or lead in kids ministry or student ministry may be a result of things that are unobservable.
Leading a Trauma Safe Ministry for Kids & Teens
In order to understand what it means to be a trauma safe ministry, lets first look at what it is not.
A trauma-safe ministry does not:
- have staff or volunteers offer any behavioral or medical ‘diagnosis’ or treatments
- try to step into the role of counselor or behavioral therapist
- require all kids or teens to participate in order to belong
As children’s ministry leaders and student ministry leaders, we have a responsibility to promote the well-being of children and to support parents and caregivers as they support children.
Three Keys to being Trauma-Safe:
My recommendation is to train your team and leadership. Most leaders and volunteers on your team WANT to be equipped for ministry. You get to help make that a reality. We cannot expect people to do what they don’t know.
1. Cultivate SAFE environments
A safe environment includes physical safety as well as mental and emotional safety.
- never discuss negative behaviors with parents in a public setting
- create opportunities where every child that wants to participate gets a turn (but NEVER force a child that is uncomfortable to be put on the spot)
- be a listener (offer ears and shoulders to carry the weight)
- predictability (use the same leaders with the same groups as often as possible)
- train leaders to shift from thinking ‘What is wrong with him/her?’ to instead ‘I wonder what happened to him/her and how can I help?’
- provide onboard ramps for parents to bring concerns or challenges to your attention in a way that feels safe and is free of risk of their child being singled out
2) Authentic connection & relationships (model, encourage and help)
Authentic relationships are the only way to build trust and overtime, will be what motivates kids and students to choose to return to your church.
- identify kids/teens who would be a good ‘buddy’ for any first time guests (be specific in training them how to make introductions & make a guest feel welcome)
- train the team to NEVER leave a new guest standing or sitting alone (a leader or one of their peers should be with them so they feel seen, welcome and included)
- be intentional with followup (get contact information and followup the week after their initial visit)
- connect with the kid/teen and their parent(s) (build a foundation for a relationship with the entire family)
3) Competent & Informed Leaders
- Training.
- More training.
- And even more training.
I cannot stress this enough. Provide training for your small group leaders or anyone that works with kids or teenagers in your church.
Help your team understand the data. Engage in conversations routinely about behaviors they are observing or concerns they have with the kids/teens they serve. Coach them how to handle situations that may arise.
In the event of a misbehavior, how can they re-direct? Are there self-regulation strategies they can use? Create positive environments. This can start with positive affirmations. If you see something good, say something. Every time.
Because this topic is so important, I have a FREE RESOURCE to give you. It’s called a Small Group Leaders Guide to Creating a Trauma Safe Space. If your goal is to have competent and informed volunteers, this guide is for you. It is yours, for free, when you SUBSCRIBE, right below this post. (If you are already a subscriber, please check your inbox for your free download.)
You can also check out THIS POST and THIS POST for more strategies and resources.
These three keys to leading a trauma safe ministry for kids & teens are not difficult. You can do it! With some intentionality, you can establish your children’s ministry or student ministry as a place that is safe for ALL who come to visit. And hopefully, they’ll decide to stay awhile and get the opportunity to meet and know Jesus! Hope this helps.