Our area has been under social isolation/quarantine for about two weeks at the time this article is being written. No one sent me a manual for how to navigate parenting my kids through a quarantine and the inevitable emotional rollercoaster ride it brings. I am guessing you have not received one either.
It seems that at our house, we quickly shift between highs and lows. Laughter can fill the house with dance parties, family lunches, face time with family and friends and then an email comes with a company-wide updates that are less than desirable, or a teenager, processes a new, hard realization of something else they are going to miss in this season. I am a rollercoaster lover by nature, but emotional rollercoasters are not a ride I care to be on.
Young children struggle with difficult emotions because they may not be able to understand and process. Older children struggle with difficult emotions because they CAN understand and process.
I don’t have young children at home anymore, but for those of you who do, they may be asking loads of questions as they struggle to process what they are experiencing (changes in routine, etc). In our case, with teenagers, who ARE able to process, the questions are geared towards what is happening in the world at large (we very much limit news watching) and many, many questions about what they can expect and how they will be directly impacted.
Initially, the extra family time and even the digital schooling with online classes face to face with teachers and friends seemed new and exciting. The new experiences were a welcome distraction. It even made me feel excited to watch my 13-year-old, stand up to honor the flag during the Pledge of Allegiance, via YouTube morning news.
We are, however, a couple weeks in now and we are finding that parenting kids during a quarantine is quite an emotional rollercoaster ride.
The questions are valid, and the emotions can feel heavy and strong.
For our middle schooler, the realization that baseball season is over feels incredibly heavy. You see, he worked so hard, training for months before the team try-outs, often for two hours, three to five days a week. He ended up rostering on the high-school JV team. A pretty awesome feat in itself for a middle schooler. The last few games, he had actually earned a position in the starting lineup. The season is inevitably over as quickly as it started. The loss feels devastating to him.
So many adults are struggling in this season with fear, anxiety, worry, uncertainty, frustration, questions; we need to anticipate similar emotions as our kids process this season.
The way we model and lead our kids through this season is critical.
This season has created an opportunity for us to model for our kids how to handle a cycle of negative emotions. We are modeling something regardless. Hopefully, it will be a positive example, which will build a foundation for them as they navigate challenges as adults.
Please know that I am not an expert per say and we most definitely have navigated some rough days in our house. In fact, today was one of them. It hurts to watch our kids hurt. Watching them process things that feel like a heavy loss in their world, is difficult. There is not a way to avoid the hard emotions. I believe, there are some things we can do though to help them get through the hard emotions.
Check out this video to hear about one of the ways we are parenting our kids through this time of quarantine and the emotions that come with it.
Additionally, here are five personal challenges that both adults and kids can prioritize in order to come out of this season even better than before:
- Use this time for personal and spiritual growth.
- Develop a new skill (art, athletic, music, cooking, beginning to learn a new language, etc).
- Complete a project that has been on the back burner.
- Invest intentionally in a relationship via phone or face time call.
- Shift our focus to others. Be on the lookout for opportunities to help and/or encourage.
In an effort to help support you as you lead your family through whatever emotional rollercoaster the quarantine may be taking your kids on, I created a 30-day prayer calendar that you can use for your family. Pray daily as you feel led and continue to pray for the health of your family and loved ones as well as the recovery and protection of life for those who are sick. Download it below.
Print it, screen shot it, share it, use it. Talk to kids about the importance of prayer, the personal relationship they get to have with Jesus and how we show love to others when we pray for them. My hope is that it can be a tool for our families, to help shift the focus off, ourselves and onto others, specifically those who may not always be thought of first. Let’s do what we can to help our families take the exit off the emotional rollercoaster ride.
YOU CAN DO THIS!
No matter what, don’t give up mom and dad. Please give yourself grace and just keep loving your kids and taking it one day at a time. You are not alone. Every person and every family are wired differently. For some, the steps I mentioned above will be enough to help steer their children towards a healthier outlook. For others, whose children deal with significant anxiety or mental health challenges, you may be navigating extreme emotions that need additional support.
Below, are some great online resources and tools. I also highly recommend reaching out to a licensed, health provider. It is wise and the deepest form of love, in my opinion, to reach out for help on behalf of our kids. You’ve got this!
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