‘What do birthday parties and family ministry have to do with each other? I am so glad you asked! In a normal season (pre-pandemic) I might have had to stretch to connect these dots. However, this season has created some unique opportunities. You may be surprised how relatable these lessons are to the season of leadership and ministry that you find yourself in.
Our only daughter, and oldest child, will turn 16, just two days after this post goes live. We can add ‘Sweet 16’s’ to the list of milestones that look dramatically different in 2020. We have always celebrated birthdays big in our house. But the plan was for ‘16’ to be the BIGGEST of the big. The plans centered around having a guest list that included anyone and everyone that was special to our daughter.
When we finally sat down and had the conversation about a ‘plan B’, it was challenging for her to wrap her mind around letting go of special plans we had made a long time ago.
We must first grieve the loss of expectations before we can take productive steps forward.
Then we can shift our perspective away from the things we cannot control to a creative focus on what we CAN control.
With each conversation I had a new realization that I believe can help in just above every avenue of life and leadership. These lessons point to healthy ways to process this season of ministry as you lead and serve. Hopefully some of these will resonate with you.
Just a few things about birthday parties and family ministry…
Flexibility = Letting Go of Our Predetermined Plans
Some tears were shed at our house when we realized we weren’t going to see what we dreamed and hoped for, come to fruition. We sat for a bit in the sadness. It is healthy to acknowledge our true feelings when we have to let go of something.
Gripping tightly, however, to things that exist outside of our present reality prevents productive steps forward. We stay stuck.
Moving forward requires flexibility and a willingness to adapt our pre-determined plans to meet the demands.
Success in this season requires us to let go of what we WANT for what the people we are inviting NEED.
Have you been flexible in this season; letting go of what you ‘hoped’ things would look like, to reimagine a new way to meet your community right where they are?
Backwards Planning = Plan with the End in Mind
Once we let go of our original plans and decided to shift our focus to a Plan B, we had to decide what the goal was. For us, in this season, the goal was to create an opportunity for our daughter to celebrate with friends.
In order for us to make that happen, we had to understand the priorities of those who would be invited. We had a few intentional conversations to determine what it would take to create an event that they would feel comfortable attending.
Once we had the most critical information, we were able to plan the details.
Do the action steps you are taking in this season, clearly align with the end goal/mission of your team?
Backwards planning is a strategy that leaders can use to move a team forward towards an end goal. You can read the article I wrote about this strategy HERE.
Redefine Personal Expectations to meet People’s Expectations.
The truth is, that the event(s) are nothing at all like we had originally planned. If we had continued on to make plans based solely on what WE (or our daughter wanted), some of the most important guests would not have attended.
When your goal involves people, the needs of the people have to be the priority.
Asking and listening, creating empathy for some of the unique personal circumstances that we were unaware of. What we learned is that, is that many of our guests would feel most comfortable attending a gathering that was held in a small size group with individuals that they already know. Small groups with familiar faces, it is!
Four, mini-sized birthday parties will all happen this week.
Who is it on your team, or that is in your circle of influence that you can listen too in this season as you redefine expectations?
Re-define Expectations.
As exciting as it is to think about the fresh, new plans we have made, there is an understanding that we ultimately are not in control.
Sometimes, even the best made plans, do not go the way we had hoped. Part of the conversations in our house have included reminders that ultimately, because we LOVE the people in our circle, we want them to do what they are most comfortable with.
We freed them from feeling trapped under the weight of our expectations.
In fact, each of the four invitations that were sent out included a statement indicating that we were sensitive to the circumstances surrounding this season. While, it would feel disappointing for our daughter to not see her close friends, it has lessened the liability anyone would feel to keep the focus on loving people well.
Are there any expectations that you are secretly (possibly unintentionally) holding onto that are preventing you from leading and loving people to your full capacity in this season?
‘WHAT’ is Less Important than ‘WHO’.
The time came to decide the details for what each party would entail. I was surprised to find that my daughter didn’t seem to care as much as I anticipated. In fact, it was difficult for her to decide on the details. What I learned is that the PEOPLE mattered far more to her than what the party would include.
It didn’t matter if we were out somewhere, at our house, if we had party favors, etc; it mattered that her PEOPLE would be there.
The pressure was off. Yes, the details would be considered. Certainly, thought was given to the location, food, entertainment. We were intentional in the planning, but it wasn’t because the PLANS were important. It was because the PEOPLE were.
What the party looked like was secondary to making sure we took care of people. Each party environment was created on purpose with the people invited as the primary focus.
You know what, there is almost a 100% RSVP to everyone of the events. That NEVER happens. 80% is usually considered a great turnout.
Where do you need to shift your focus more to the WHO, instead of the WHAT?
“Even a negative situation, still holds potential to produce a positive purpose.” Craig Groeschel
Great leaders get things done. They empower and develop others, they meet needs, they set the vision, they give it all for the mission. Sometimes, the process, plan, and the action steps are held in just as high regard as the people.
This season is for sure a reminder to keep people > process. This includes the people you are trying to reach AND the people who serve on your volunteer team. Check out this post for some thoughts on why volunteers ‘exit teams.’ The reasons and the solutions are still true, even in this season.
I’ll be sharing some of our celebrations this week on social media. Would love to connect with you there and have you follow along.