Today I am diving head first, into the topic of child anxiety. This topic is incredibly personal to me. I am writing from a place of understanding, compassion, empathy and hopefulness. If you are parenting kids who are navigating anxiety -or- if you have concerns that they may be struggling, please know that you are not alone.
We have walked through what feels like the decline into the valley, the hard climb back up and then the amazing view from the other side. Even if this topic is not currently impacting your family, the likelihood is that it is affecting someone in your circle. The data is astounding. In fact, let’s begin there.
Before we dive-in, please read the following: I am not a licensed mental health counselor or a medical provider. My background is in education and family ministry. I have hands-on training as a parent of two teens. The information I am sharing is a combination of what I have learned in each of these arenas and hours upon hours of research.
Parenting Kids Who Are Navigating Anxiety
According to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network (1), over two-thirds of children experience at least one traumatic event prior to age 16. Trauma occurs when “a child experiences an intense event that threatens or causes harm to his or her emotional or physical well-being.” (2)
Why is ‘trauma’ a part of this conversation? Because, while I hope and pray that anxiety and/or depression never affect your family, the reality is over the last decade it has been on the rise. There are many different factors that can result in anxiety and depression in kids. Trauma is one of them. It can lead to long term psychological and emotional effects.
Unfortunately, covid-19 has dramatically increased the risk factors for kids and teens. The changes to normal life, differences in routine, fears, loss of relational connection and in some cases lack of basic needs is all a form of a trauma for our kids. Every single child, teen and family has been impacted. No one has been exempt.
The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (3) reports that 7.1% of children ages 3-17 have a diagnosed anxiety disorder. They also report that 3.2% of children ages 3-17 have diagnosed depression. About half of the people diagnosed with depression also have a diagnosis of anxiety. (These statistics are all pre-2020 data.)
“Although many of us may experience reactions to stress from time to time, when a child is experiencing child traumatic stress, these reactions interfere with his or her daily life and ability to function and interact with others.”
(National Child Traumatic Stress Network, 2)
Signs & Symptoms
There was one question I remember deliberating over when our family was walking through a particularly challenging season. It is also a question I have been asked countless times. “How do I know if this is normal or if we need to get some outside support?”
The goal of this post is bring some education, awareness and possibly help you answer that question. (Or perhaps it will help equip you to link arms with someone in your circle who may be looking for the answer to that question.)
One of the challenges is that some of the ‘signs’ to watch for are not in themselves, abnormal behaviors. It is changes in behaviors, especially in regards to frequency or addition of new behaviors that should alert us.
For example, temper tantrums are normal in preschoolers. Being exhausted after a long week of school, homework and practice is to be expected. We all have days where we are grouchy or just need some alone time.
We need to pay attention however, when new behaviors appear, or behaviors become excessive or frequent. Below you will find some of the emotional or physical responses that may appear if you are parenting kids who are navigating anxiety (or depression or are generally under significant emotional or mental stress).
In preschoolers you may observe:
- fear being separated from a parent or caregiver
- crying or screaming alot
- change in appetite, eating less, weight loss
- nightmares
In elementary, middle or high school students:
- become fearful
- difficulty concentrating
- difficulty sleeping
- ongoing sadness
- eating disorders or self-harming behavior
- withdrawing from activities & people
Don’t Go it Alone
It takes a village to raise kids. Educators, pastors, ministry leaders, neighbors, extended family members, medical practitioners and counselors have been a part of our village. Some have been a part of our village for the long haul. Others have teamed up with us for only a season.
Our family is better because of the wisdom, expertise and care we have received from those who have linked arms with us through the years.
Most parents do not hesitate to take their child to a doctor when they are physically sick. When it comes to emotional or mental support, however there is this stigma that so easily freezes parents in their tracks.
Please do not let that be the case.
If you are in doubt as to the severity of what your child is walking through mentally or emotionally, it is time to consider calling in support.
I wanted to help you navigate some next steps. Please download the ‘parent questionnaire‘ I created as a resource for you. A great first step is to complete the questionnaire. It can be a useful tool if you determine that you want to have a conversation with your child’s doctor.
Don’t Miss This…
It would be a disservice to this conversation if I did not share some hopefulness with you.
We have watched the same child who struggled with overwhelming anxiety become an advocate for others who are walking through similar challenges. There is learned understanding of the importance of emotional health to ones physical health.
We have watched our child learn to ‘choose’ what they are willing to expend their emotional energy on. (Hello, I think adulthood would be so much easier if we all learned this during school years!)
There is hope for kids on the other side of this valley.
Each child and situation vary in complexity. My heart is to point you to some resources and ultimately to an expert for support if that is, in fact, what is in the best interest of your child. All of resources used in research for this article are linked below.
If you haven’t already, please check out THIS POST. In it, I share a few basic strategies you can use at home to help create an environment that helps combat fear and anxiety . I also share some parenting resources that you may find beneficial, HERE. (Jennie Allens podcast and resources are worth the time to check out.)
Education and awareness allow us to more readily identify and respond when concerns arise. You are the best advocate your child can have.
Resources cited or used for research:
- (1)https://www.nctsn.org/what-is-child-trauma/about-child-trauma
- (2)https://www.samhsa.gov/sites/default/files/programs_campaigns/childrens_mental_health/what-is-child-traumatic-stress.pdf
- https://adaa.org/sites/default/files/Anxiety%20Disorders%20in%20Children.pdf
- (3) https://www.cdc.gov/childrensmentalhealth/data.html